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Can you really have both?


Can you really have happiness AND success in life? Or is it sadly one or the other?


There have been times in my life where I've truly believed it's one or the other, I'm either happy or I'm successful, I can't have both. That happiness is in someway selfish, putting myself before others and that success is all about hitting targets, getting promotions, doing more than my peers.


Where did my belief about it's happiness or it's success come from? Many sources actually, which is why it's hard to challenge the truth in such a belief. Even now, when I've challenged this belief many times, in myself and my clients, it can creep back in for me!


Take last week as a great example of this. I've known for a while I was exhausted but kept thinking I'll keep going until.... Didn't actually state when the until would be, looked to the return to normal from Covid as an end point. Which is sadly not round the corner just yet.


On Friday morning I woke and thought, nope I need a break, so I took the day off.


Which was the right thing to do, but then I balanced the guilt that came swiftly with taking the day off with it's the last day my son is home schooling so I should make the most of him being home.


I didn't need to balance my decision though, there shouldn't have been guilt. I needed a day off to recharge and that's absolutely okay. So the it's happiness, have a much needed recharge day, or it's success, go to work and deliver was very much alive in my thinking on Friday morning.


Yet my job as a psychologist is helping amazing female leaders to have happiness and success in their lives, not live with only having one or the other, so surly I should have both at all times? Not the case as you can see, I have to work on this myself as well as helping my clients to do the same.


The thing is though, when you realise that you can have both, happiness and success then when you don't have them both, you know it's time to make some changes. Here are the questions I ask myself and my client's when reflecting upon whether the balance between happiness and success is right for us.


1) When was the last time you felt guilty about how much you are working?


2) How many times would you say you have felt guilty about how much you are working in the last month?


3) When was the last time you put your self care as a priority and what did you do?


4) How many times have you spent time on your self care in the past month?


5) What would you family say was your happiness level? (1 being zero, 5 being fully happy)


These five questions are a great starter to reflect upon your happiness and success levels.


So have a go at answering them yourself and see how the balance of happiness and success is for you. If it's not quite right, the sooner you are aware, the sooner you can take action to resolve.


If you'd like my help to get the right balance for you between happiness and success in your life send me an email cathy.hilton@thriveminds.co.uk.

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